Dear Black man, therapy is for you too.
On encouraging Black men to consider therapy, from the voices and experiences of other Black men.
I originally published this piece back in 2018 as a way to encourage more Black men to try therapy. I wanted to revamp it by adding more experiences to the collection and give it a home here on Substack.
Since opening up about going to therapy I’ve had many people reach out to me inquiring about my experience. Some express curiosity as they contemplate trying it for themselves, while others inquire on behalf of friends or family members they believe could benefit from it. I’m so happy that more people are choosing to take steps toward prioritizing and improving their mental health. One group of individuals I’ve encountered who need an extra push when it comes to considering therapy is Black men.
I've had discussions with Black men undergoing therapy who've expressed feeling ashamed about receiving treatment. Many are also hesitant to disclose this aspect of their lives to their loved ones; driven by a genuine fear of being perceived as weak. Which are valid concerns.
While I can advocate for therapy all day, I believe it would be more impactful for you to hear directly from other Black men who have experienced therapy. I've asked these individuals to share their overall therapy experiences and offer advice to fellow Black men considering the same path.
Most of my readers are women but if you have a black man in your life who's skeptical about therapy, share this with them.
Experiences
Experience: Positive. Draining. But overall pointing me in the right direction.
Advice: Go with an open mind. Stick with it. It takes time and several sessions to start to get to heart of what ails you.
Anonymous, 32, in therapy for 4 months
E: Amazing to look at another person’s perspective of your situation and come to the realization that you do have layers of undiscovered things in your psyche.
A: Get rid of every stigma that may make you feel less of a man if you go.
Anonymous, 32, off and on for 5 months
E: It’s been life-changing. It’s been rewarding and healing to have a space that’s just for me. I’ve been able to explore and understand better what’s driving my feelings, and as a result, have been able to make better decisions for myself. Overall, it has helped me become a better partner to my wife and a better friend to myself. I don’t think I’ll ever stop going to therapy because I’m worth it and I don’t want to put any more stress on the people in my life - especially when they are not equipped to deal with it.
A: You’re worth it. Be sure to find someone who understands what it means to be in your skin. It’s a privilege not everyone can afford. You’ll thank yourself for it.
E: At the start of my journey, it wasn’t well. I was telling my story of being a young black man in America to an elderly white man who didn’t seem to care or be present in our meetings. I stopped for some years and decided to give it a try in 2023. I met with a lady this time who I read reviews on. Sadly, she wasn’t present in the room, would look for the charger to her phone, wasn’t professional and would ask follow up questions that didn’t make sense. She also wanted to schedule appointment after 8pm. That wasn’t a good thing for me. I finally talked to my doctor and asked for a recommendation and i’ve been thankful to have done so. I am now heard, seen, encouraged and valued. My currently therapist is someone I can see myself in. They’re black and apart of the LGBTQ+ community.
A: Give it a try. Don’t think that things can be solved in one session. Patience and honesty are key. It doesn’t make you weak, I found strength in my past, present and i’m looking forward to my future. Just because it’s difficult, doesn’t meant it’s impossible.
AJ, 33, 1 year
E: Helpful and calming
A: Let the preconceived notions go. It does not mean you are crazy or make you less of a man. It can be helpful and sometimes essential in you maintaining your mental health.
Andre, 41, 6 months
E: I thought it was helpful to gain perspective, reflection, and at times indirect guidance.
A: Seek therapy, other folks are doing. Also, I think therapy advocates should consider the benefits of incorporating routine therapy or therapy-like activities in elementary, middle, and high schools....and not just reserve it for the students that are cutting themselves etc.
Anonymous, 33, 2 years off and on
E: Therapy has been interesting, vulnerable, and very insightful. I learned so much about myself, my family, and strategies to overcome anxiety and personal issues. I personally believe therapy is a helpful thing. I think everyone knows it. You do it for your life, you do it for yourself because you want to explore some things and get to the bottom of some things. It's about your life, the quality of your life.
A: Black men need to understand the purpose of therapy is not to remove suffering but to move through it to an enlarged consciousness that can sustain the polarity of painful opposites.
E: I was very happy with the experience. It helped me learn about a lot of issues I had concerning my father and insecurities and my father has been married to my mother since 1982. It was tough at first but it definitely helped my relationship with my father and we are doing better. My relationship with my significant other has gotten better because I communicate better and have learned how to take criticism without feeling attacked.
A: You have to do this for yourself! The hardest part is just showing up. Once you show up you'll be glad you did. There is nothing wrong with wanting to find out more about yourself and wanting help doesn't make you weak there's nothing wrong with that either.
Christopher, 31, 3 months
E: My first time going was while I was in a relationship and my girlfriend at the time wanted me to see her in that setting, and listen as the therapist translated things for us. Luckily for me, I was able to see the type of therapy that would be most effective for me. The doctor was a very nontraditional therapist, and during that visit, she even recommended MDMA to get us over a vulnerable hump in our relationship. After seeing how amazing she was with my girlfriend, I decided to find my own therapist who was similar to working on maintaining my happiness, finding ways to be vulnerable in all my settings, and figuring out where I needed fine-tuning. I've never felt I had any mental illnesses, but I do strongly believe that all Black folks should see someone to deal with underlying issues we think are a part of life. Like the anxiety we get from systemic racism and the depression and stress that sometimes comes with that. Since seeing therapists of all types, some very traditional, some far from traditional, I've been my happiest, knowing I've been given the tools to keep myself on track and help others as well. I've since become a mental health first aid professional, helping others in their emergencies and giving resources.
A: It's imperative that we talk to folks who aren’t emotionally invested in us to get their unbiased thoughts and feedback. Being strong isn't being silent, it's talking and sharing and being vulnerable.
Darnell, 34, 6 years
E: The experience in therapy was generally positive. I was able to identify some neurosis and anxiety developed from early trauma. It was helpful to have that knowledge of self.
A: I would say that while it is frightening to be vulnerable, please do it. You can take your time working with a therapist of your choice. It can be helpful to find a therapist of a similar background. I had an additional barrier working with an affluent white woman therapist. She was fine, but her practice was in her home and I was met with aggression and suspicion when coming to my sessions by her neighbors. I was afraid because of that.
Taj, 30, 6 months
E: It’s been eye-opening. It’s been freeing, I would say it’s been beautifully difficult. Ultimately, it’s been worth it. Worth every tear, every flashback, and now every smile.
A: You owe it to yourself to get on the healing path and do better and set the example you would’ve wanted to see when you were younger.
Jourdan Pittman, 29, almost 8 years
E: Therapy for me has been transformative, to say the least. It has helped me lose 120 lbs, set better boundaries with my mother, re-establish relationships with my father, start my dream job, invest in my spirituality, and find genuine love. I think the best part of therapy was the ability to gain hindsight and insight into my past and present. That enabled my imagination to start working again. It allowed me to trust my imagination and remain persistent in the process.
A: Bros, I know the word “therapy” can seem off-putting and daunting, but creating and holding a space to feel seen, heard, and valued is probably the best thing you can do for yourself, your partner, or your loved ones.
E: I'll be straight up, I did not like my therapist. She was an older white lady, helpful and very succinct but I couldn't help but feel like she couldn’t fully understand me. I used my sessions as times to vent and check-in/ update my therapist on the progress I made since the previous visit. We talked about finding balance in my life overall, my irrational spending habits, anger, and the family issues I was having at the time. My therapist advised me to get more sleep, include more physical activity into my everyday routine (because endorphins matter), eat real food, and spend more time doing things I love.
A: When I left therapy I realized that my therapist had only confirmed what my friends and family had been telling me for years. For some reason, it just clicked because it was a stranger telling me. It had to be right if EVERYONE was saying the same thing. Going to therapy never killed anybody. If you absolutely hate it you don't have to go back. In my opinion, the whole objective of therapy is to learn coping skills so that you don't have to continue seeing a therapist. Try it.
Timothy, 28, 8 months
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I will share this with the black men I my life. To me it's just sad when you are not willing to do your work. You can't escape what affects you when you have lived in chaos.
I'm amazed by how many Young black men participated in your interviews. Awesome 🌟
I love that you are sharing other perspectives about a topic that doesn't get enough attention. Very nicely done