It is impossible for me to accept subpar love.
On the abundance of love I receive from my people and why I have no choice but to be loved in my language.
This morning I woke up heavy-hearted. I’m fighting off the blues heavily and with Homecoming, a homegoing, and a housewarming, this weekend has been a lot. I have an important interview tomorrow to prepare for today but I laid around in bed all morning. Scrolling the feeds and stories of my classmates enjoying our 100th homecoming celebration in their own ways, lacking any fomo.
Eventually, I got up to drink some water and take my meds way too late into the morning and remembered that I had a package to open from one of my dear friends. I had been expecting it for some time and knew of some of its contents but I opened the box to so much unexpected joy. The intention that went into creating the box, its contents, and the packaging somehow jumpstarted my brain. I was reinvigorated with so much love that I just screamed and breathed away heart palpitations.
I am so grateful.
This act of love was a reminder of why I can’t accept subpar romantic love.
Whenever I reflect on just how much love I receive and am shown, I am overwhelmed by it in the best ways and immediately filled with gratitude.
I prayed for this love. I manifested this love. I craved this love.
I wanted more of it in my relationships, within my friendships, and between my family and I’ve received that in abundance.
They show up for me.
They support me.
They care for me.
They show me by how they speak to me and how they speak up for me.
They help me up out of my lowest places, even when I haven’t been vocal about where I am.
And most importantly, they tell me they love me.
I don’t have to guess.
I don’t have to wonder.
I don’t ever have to go to bed questioning if anyone out there loves me the way that I do them because they let me know. In their own ways, in their own words, and in mine.
But again..
I prayed for this love. I manifested this love. I craved this love.
I asked for this long ago before life experiences taught me the true meaning and importance of love and the many ways it can be expressed, and I am receiving it ten-fold.
I always pride myself on being someone who “loves big.” If I love you, you will know it. You will feel it. You won’t have to second-guess it. And at times, it will overwhelm you. My love is deep. It’s extra. It’s cheesy. It’s raw. It’s honest. And it’s genuine.
I know it’s a privilege to always feel loved and supported, and I do not take it lightly. Which is another reason why I can’t accept subpar love from partners. I feel like I would be doing both myself and the people who love me a disservice.
How dare I settle for less than what I want or deserve when I am accustomed to such greatness?
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“I wanted more of it in my relationships, within my friendships, and between my family and I’ve received that in abundance.”
you’ve deserve it, Ash. You really do.
I don’t want a subpar love either… sending you lots of love today. 💕💕💕💕💕
We both wrote about love today ☺️