Let's talk about sex, baby; Part One.
On one of the most prevalent, but least-discussed symptoms of bipolar disorder: hyper-sexuality.
“Every one of us has lain down for a reason that was not love,” says Tayari Jones.
Disclaimer:
Some of you may be uncomfortable with the subject matter in this post because of your relation to me. I am talking about sex. Specifically my relationship with sex as it relates to bipolar disorder. So if you don’t want to know about me in that way, do not proceed. It is a very vulnerable piece, so it is behind a paywall. I read it out loud months ago to my writing group and am now posting it for my two paid subscribers [hey
& ] and future paid subscribers to read. A Part One of… I don’t know how many. I’m not entirely sure how to do so in a way that I don’t overshare and feel fully exposed, but I also want to include the same transparency and vulnerability I show up to this space with regularly. I want to educate on this topic while tying in my personal experiences. As much as I wanted to polish up this piece, it is raw and real, so I’m posting it before I lose my nerve.
Late bloomer.
Impulsivity, untreated hypomania, and hypersexuality are how I lost my virginity at the age of 22 after vowing to save myself for marriage. A vow made mostly out of fear of an unwanted early pregnancy or waking a sleeping giant of desire within me. But I touted it as a promise to God that I’d wait for the one He designed for me. *insert eye-roll at Purity Culture Ashleigh here*
It was the middle of the night and I had just gotten into a fight with my then-boyfriend of two years about who knows what. We lay in my twin-xl-sized bed unable to sleep and fuming at each other. One of my roommates at the time had a live-in boyfriend who was already asleep on the couch that night, so I was stuck in my twin-xl-sized bed with him.
“Are you awake?” I finally said, the tension still very thick.
“Yes. I can’t sleep,” he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“Me either. Let’s have makeup sex!” I said half-jokingly.
“Are you sure?” he quickly replied.
“Uhh, yes, I’m sure.”