Smiles, Knots, & Reconnections

On wanting to share random thoughts and happenings that didn't need their own separate posts.

I love my smile.

1. I’m grateful that my friends read my work. Early on, at the start of my blogging days, I would become discouraged when friends and loved ones didn’t read or engage with my work and content. I soon realized that my loved ones, as much as they love me, aren’t obligated to support me and aren’t always my target audience. And, A LOT of people don’t like to read. I am especially grateful for the loved ones who have four and five stars by their name because they view most or all of my work. I especially love it when they privately message or call me to tell me how something landed for them.

2. I do not believe that everything happens for a reason or that there is a master plan for things. Some shit just happens because life and humans were designed to allow them to happen and that’s just it. But, with the amount of loss I’ve experienced, especially people and things I thought were a forever part of my life, I can’t help but believe I needed more space to hold what this next season of life has to offer me. The urgency to purge everything that shouldn’t be, physical and non, from my life is life-saving.

3. I was filling out a questionnaire that will grant entry to a certain community and this question caught me off guard:
   
   "On a scale of 1 ( I fricking hate myself) to 10 (I adore myself unconditionally), what is your level of self-love right now?"
   
   My answer: A strong 8.14!  I am really proud of the way I handled the difficult season of life that I was in. While I know there are areas of improvement within my control (physical movement and weight management), I have handled the elements outside of my control well and have advocated and cared for myself through it all. I’ve recognized my progress and years of therapy working - grateful that I’ve got rock bottom in every area of my life and I am okay.

4. I’m really good at detangling. Like, REALLY good. I recently untangled what seemed to be an impossible knot from my waistbeads and the rush of adrenaline I felt upon completion reminded me that I enjoy it too. I will work and work until I figure it out because I won’t be able to rest until I do. Then in one of my black girl organization groups on Facebook, someone posted a bunch of cords and I swear I started drooling at the possibility of figuring out how to detangle them.

5. I can survive with a capsule wardrobe. I’ve been trying for years to decrease my clutter to own only what I need and love and make tidying up a bit easier and quicker. At any given time I would have mounds, yes mounds, of clothing thrown around my bedroom just waiting to be washed or worn while I recycled the same outfits week after week. After countless purging sessions and a change in desired style, I’m finally ready to apply all my reading and research to my life and decrease my wardrobe drastically.. again. I want to own so few clothes that it’s easy to go in and pick out what to wear.

6. I miss champagne. I’m currently on a medication that doesn’t mix well with alcohol so I don’t drink often. My birthday is coming up and you better believe I am going to have a glass, or six.

7. I recently reconnected with someone who was… is, very important to me. We parted ways last summer due to too many miscommunications and too much conflict. I recognized that with life happening for both of us left little capacity to healthily resolve the things that kept us at odds. Recently I began thinking of them often and so I reached out. They responded favorably and I’m now grateful for the opportunity to create a new beautiful and healthy friendship. Additionally, they gifted me infused honey which has been a great addition to my morning coffee.

8. A stranger randomly said “I love your smile” and of course, I went into the chorus for “I Love Your Smile,” one of my favorite songs.

9. At the time of writing this, an email came through to let me know that an essay I wrote about motherhood was selected as one of ten that will be read at an event next month. I’ve been pushing myself to submit more to grow my audience and open up writing opportunities for myself as I write my first book. Still squealing as I type this.

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Thank you for reading ‘here comes the sun.’

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