Discover more from here comes the sun
What I know for sure? Nothing.
On accepting the many twists and turns in life and giving myself permission to pivot and change my mind.
As a child I enjoyed achievement, playing by the rules, and pleasing others.
As an adult I value my freedom, lean into my curiosities, and express my vulnerabilities openly.
If Child Ashleigh could peek into the future and get a preview of who she would become, she would probably be filled with joyful pride and grief, which is okay because life would soon teach her that both can coexist. With her sheltered knowledge and view of the world, she may find herself disappointed with some aspects of her life right now. Seeing herself as an unemployed, queer, sexually liberated, single mother by choice without any of the context of how she got here? You might as well tell her that she’s strung out on dope.
But, she’d also beam with pride and relief knowing that she would one day break out of the shell that was suffocating her. The cocoon she finds herself tightly nestled in eventually reveals a beautiful butterfly whose flight and beauty are hard to not notice in awe. Who knows? Maybe she would be inspired to unlearn all of the harmful ideologies that influenced her thoughts and decisions about life a bit sooner. Or maybe her closeted curiosities would find their way out before the world could love them in.
I joke often that I have lived many lives in my short 31 years here. So many adventures, experiences, and opportunities woven in between just as many seasons of struggle, heartbreak, and pain. If I were to write about what I know for sure as a result of my time here so far, the conclusion would be; nothing. This life has taught me that there is absolutely nothing that I know for sure. At one point in time, in each of these lives, I was certain with much passion and persuasion that I had things all figured out for myself and knew exactly who I was. Only for life to swoop in with a humbling “Well, are you really sure about that?”
I’m glad that life provides ample opportunity to change our minds.
With more lived experiences and knowledge of how the world and people work, we are able to start anew and venture to the next phase of our existence, hoping to make it better than the last one. We are then provided more tools to intentionally create a life we enjoy and want to continue living without the noise of the voices telling us that our most authentic self is wrong.
So I guess there is just one thing I know for sure, and that is that life will continue to surprise us in both good and bad ways and that it is okay to pivot in another direction with the new information those ways provide.
What prompted this piece?
Source: Heal Write Now - Writing for Self-Discovery October 10, 2023
Without stopping or editing, for five minutes each, answer each of these.
“As a child I loved…”
“My most profound dreams…”
Now take a moment to look for themes within each of these prompts. How are they connected? How are they different? What jumps out at you?
Then, use the prompts to write about yourself from the lens of the previous prompts.