This is kind of heartbreaking. Both of my sons suffer from mental illness and so do I. I have never been suicidal in the way you describe. I have thought about going to sleep and not waking up.

My pain stems from watching my sons struggle. One of them acts out towards me. I can’t stop loving him, but sometimes it feels abusive.

I’m stepping back as a result. I am a fixer. Part of my problem is that I always think there’s an answer to the illness and the pain. I just have to find the right medication or start exercising more. It helps for me. I know that’s not the case for everyone.

I see you. Your words are appreciated. ☀️

Expand full comment

Thank you so much for sharing that with me Karen!

I often dread the day I'll have to be faced with my daughter having struggles with mental health, whether my own or hers and I hope that over time I get closer to being able to know the right things to do or so. Sending you and your sons so much love.

Just like many things, suicidal ideations has a spectrum and it can show itself in many forms. From passing intrusive thoughts to outright planning.

Thank you for seeing me!

Expand full comment