Facts of life.
On what's true for me right now.
Prompt: Facts of life.
I am scared.
Scared of what’s next. Scared of the possibility of another stint of long-term unemployment. Scared that this time my luck will run out. Scared that I’ll have to settle for an even worse situation. Scared that I’ll waste all this time. Scared that stability won’t last. Scared of spiraling into depression.
I am excited.
Excited about what’s next. Excited about the possibilities of what can be created with this newfound free time. Excited about finishing my book. Excited about Ava’s future. Excited about my weight loss. Excited to still be alive.
I am in love.
Loving who I can’t have. A forbidden love. A love that I’ll probably fruitlessly search for in all my next loves. A love I get to experience in abundance, but only from a distance. A love that feels designed for me. A love I’m willing to risk it all for.
I am uncertain.
Uncertain about what I want in so many ways. Uncertain about what the future holds. Uncertain about what it is that I am actually uncertain about that is keeping me up at night.
I am optimistic.
Optimistic about the future. Optimistic about remaining confident in the face of mass rejection. Optimistic about my ability to find employment before I’m out of cash again. Optimistic about finding what’s right for me in all the ways. Optimistic about life.
Currently.
Feeling — Grateful; to be alive. to be well. to be medicated. to be covered.
Reading — “Juliet Takes a Breath” by Gabby Rivera
Listening — My Christmas playlist, though I’ve grown tired of it already.
Anticipating — A job offer and my trip to Atlanta.
Contemplating — How to be disciplined with this free time.
Affirming — I am qualified and capable. What I don’t know, I can learn.
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I felt "I'm scared" so deeply.
I resonate with so many of your emotions... thank you for reminding us that more than one thing can be true at once. We are such complex individuals yet so beautiful. I appreciate you and the work that you do.