Some of the things I wish I didn't give a shit about #2.

On journaling about the things I wish I didn't have as many f**ks to give about. The second installment.

Last week I visited family in Vegas and indulged in slow mornings of coffee, journaling, and reading by the pool before the sun became unbearable.

Part one.

Some of the things I wish I didn't give a shit about.

Some more things I wish I didn’t give a shit about.

1. Many of the things from the first list.

Many things from the first list, like my weight and credit score, still plague me while others don’t. I’m getting really close to being sick of my shit enough to actually do more of what I can about changing things. Holding myself accountable hasn’t been a strong suit lately as I adjust to mental and emotional stability. Well, that isn’t entirely true. I have been able to hold myself accountable in areas like reading, writing, and stretching my creative muscles, but just about everything else has halted or slowed.

2. My lack of male friendships.

A couple of months ago, I was watching the stories of a college associate, and her birthday looked to be an even mix of male and female guests. At that moment, I felt a tinge of jealousy because I didn’t have many male friendships. I have three close guy friends and that it is. Besides them, I don’t have men who I can have casual conversations or outings with, or even invite to a shindig of mine. I do have some child and teen trauma around being friends with males and I’m sure that fuels my hesitation to get close to them. Lately, I’ve had a desire for more male friendships, but it isn’t actually something I’m willing to put the effort into establishing. So I’ll just remain grateful for the few I have and welcome future connections should they come my way.

3. Living in “luxury.”

I put luxury in quotes because I don’t know about anywhere other than the DMV, but if an apartment complex has locked entry and a couple of amenities, it is automatically deemed a “luxury apartment” with a hiked-up price to match it. Due to my extended bout of unemployment, I am in a financial hole that I can’t seem to dig myself out of. Even while making a decent six-figure salary. I’ve worked to reduce my expenses but the biggest one, rent, seems to be impossible to reduce because I refuse to downgrade my living space. I am a homebody who loves being at home and wants to enjoy the space she pays for. I also want to live in a clean and safe environment where I don’t have concerns for my child’s well-being. This means my options are few and the only way to significantly reduce my rent expense is to significantly downgrade to an area and apartment that may not come with all that I desire and need. I don’t really care much for amenities I won’t use, but I would like a secure entrance, pest-free space, and for my packages to be secure.

4. Her life happenings.

Y’all are probably tired of hearing about my friendship breakup and I am tired of grieving it. Yesterday, I found myself really sad over the breakup to the point where I texted a good portion of my close friends and family members, reminding them that I love them and letting them know that if they ever feel the opposite, they should tell me. I’ve had so much more paranoia around my relationships because of this. I was blindsided by our breakup, and as much as I wish I could just forget it all, she still means the world to me, and I care deeply about her life and what she had and has going on. I can’t help but long to be a part of her intimate space and life, and that longing hurts physically some days.

5. Growing my reach.

For a good number of my blogging years, I resigned to not focus on growth. I just wanted to write. Whoever it reached, from just me writing and going on about my day or night, was okay with me. But now, I want to open up more writing opportunities for myself. I want to eventually secure an agent. And a publishing deal. And if you’re not a celebrity already or an influencer with a large following, those things are harder to achieve. So I’ve focused on growing my reach without it feeling like too much of a chore or inauthentic. I just wish I could write and folks just organically find me without having to wrestle with algorithms and trendy content.

6. Romance.

I’m a lover girl who is currently iffy about romantic love. This means I love romance but have closed myself off from receiving it in the ways I want. Don’t get me wrong. I have a lot of love in my life. And I have lovers who fulfill me in so many ways. But I’m missing the intimacy and romantic gestures that come along with being committed to someone.

7. Voting.

This country is a shit show. Our elected officials hate us and are more concerned with lining their pockets than what we need as a country. And our candidates for the next presidency?! Ugh. I’ve begun to feel like voting is a useless act. But the more I hear about what the GOP imagines for America and wants it to look like with things like Project 2025, I know I have to suck it up and do what I can to ensure these things don’t become our reality and we get closer and closer to living a real-life Black Mirror episode. Hell, we’re already there it seems. So, while it will be begrudgingly, I will do my civic duty and show up at the polls in November.

Let me know some of the things you wish you didn’t give a shit about in the comments.

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