Thoughts that probably should've stayed in my drafts.
On random reflections that I should just keep to myself.
I want to be knocked through the mattress. I’m pretty episodic right now. Months of uncertainty, stress, and transitions have sent me into a mixed episode of depression and mania. I’ve written before about how hypersexuality is a symptom of bipolar disorder that I experience prevalently. Because my mood is so up and down and uncontrollable, something about the act of sex makes my brain think there’s possibly a cure in an orgasm or two. I feel like a fiend needing a fix. But I know that if I got dressed up, went to a bar, picked up the first person who showed interest, and took them home, that itch may or may not be scratched, and I’d just search for another high. A girl can dream. And masturbate. But I can’t take myself to pound town, and then give myself a big bear hug afterwards, and remind myself that this is cyclical and I’ll feel better soon.
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Currently.
Feeling — Despondent. Angsty. Irritable.
Reading — My good friend and writing coach,
’s Story Work: Field Notes on Self Discovery and Reclaiming Your Narrative. It’s like one ongoing self-guided workshop in a book. It’s giving the same spirit of “The Artist’s Way.”Watching — This is usually “Listening,” but I haven’t been listening to much. I have, however, started the show 9-1-1, so I’ve been binge-watching that.
Anticipating — Feeling better.
Contemplating — What I need to do to feel better.
Affirming — Better comes eventually.
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