Vulnerability is generosity.
On my reasons for sharing my difficult truths in realtime, while still experiencing them.
Before every workshop,
opens with a gentle reminder and invitation “Vulnerability is generosity.” This afternoon I attended a group journalling session and one of the topics of discussion and subsequent journal prompts was “what vulnerability feels like.
Vulnerability has been a topic of many conversations, workshops, and readings lately and it is an especially vulnerable season of life that I am in the midst of. In the session today, someone brought up the wrestle with knowing when something is oversharing or when it is vulnerable. This led me to think about a recent conversation where we discussed the difference between transparency and vulnerability. The two can be synonyms of each other but they aren’t interchangeable.
Transparency and oversharing come easily and naturally to me. I get a kick out of talking about the things we’re supposed to keep to ourselves. The things that are universal, yet taboo. And the things that make people uncomfortable in a way that warrants self-acceptance, accountability, or change. While vulnerability comes a bit easier to me than most, there are certain things that still bring about a vulnerability hangover so strong that I feel I may lose my lunch.
Below are my answers to the session’s prompts:
What does vulnerability feel like?
Right now, vulnerability for me feels like logging into Substack, or Instagram, or a writing workshop and saying “Hey, I think about dying in some capacity every day. I’ve reached a point where nothing feels worth the struggle. The good times are grossly outnumbered by the terrible and I am exhausted by the rapid cycling of my moods. Depression is my baseline so even when I do have a good day or two, it’s hard to enjoy because I know I must return to sadness.”
What do you need to shed?
Because I feel a call to share publicly, these vulnerable moments of a fleeting will to live, I can get caught up on the “content creation” piece of things. Worrying too much about not following trends or hung up on and resentful of the fact that feigned perfection, regurgitation, and templated content is what’s favored right now.
What is your foundation/are you rooted in?
The truth I’m standing on is knowing that people need to see and hear my stories, experiences, and words. Not only to know and understand themselves better and feel less alone, but to also better understand the ones around them who struggles mirror mine. Hopefully allowing more opportunities for empathy and grace.
🌞
I think ones access to vulnerability lies directly in relation to their feeling of safety. Prior to entering the safest, most consistent, and tender relationship of my life I was a stone castle with a moat full of piranha surrounding it. I was a fortress and let no one cross. The ability to feel accepted has allowed me to do the same to others and extend my vulnerability for both my and their's sake. I arrived here from Kamil's post "too afraid to stumble, so I refused to jump".
I appreciate this essay so much. It doesn’t come easily to me but i know it’s so important to practice vulnerability and being honest with myself and others.