I really resonate with this! Its hard to let go of that voice that encourages those habits but I need to start recognizing that sometimes that voice is enough
I'm going to play devil's advocate in an odd way. Or maybe who knows what? My example is this: I keep journals, and have never been snooped on by my fiance, despite my journals being well within reach. The same with their phone; I could go through it easily, but refuse to because I respect the privacy. It's also important to keep in mind that sometimes thoughts that we have access to are merely thoughts alone, and not 'the whole picture' of what our significants think of us. I don't necessarily think that all secrets within relationships are good--communication is key, after all--but not should someone feel like they've got to pry or pull teeth. Part of me wants to sympathetic to you and the other part wants to be judgmental, but I guess I just don't know.
I'm sorry that your previous partner had been engaged in infidelity. Euch, now I feel gross for having written what I did above; sorry.
Honesty is a fine line in relationships---I say this as someone who struggles with communicating in general and gauging what others 'want' in interactions. I feel a bit stupid so I guess I'll stop writing for now.
Hey Mitch, I don't think you're actually playing devil's advocate because you're saying what I'm saying towards the end of the post. I agree with you! Don't feel stupid.
As the facilitator of a support group for narcissistic abuse victims, we had a 'rule' we discovered and which you mentioned in your article.
You said: What was the purpose in continuously exposing myself to their secrets— everything ranging from infidelity to their true feelings about me—if I wasn’t going to leave?
We said in our group that the relationship is over the first time you check their phone. For abuse survivors, we may have checked the phone to show us what we already knew and to give us strength to leave.
I really resonate with this! Its hard to let go of that voice that encourages those habits but I need to start recognizing that sometimes that voice is enough
That’s real. And the voice, or insecurity, or suspicion should be used as a sign of a greater issue.
Ashleigh, I salute you for being so brave and sharing your heart with us. It takes growth to get to a place like this.
I’ve been there and I’ve had an ex go through my phone. I agree, it only leads to you breaking your own heart.
Thank you Anella! I appreciate you.
I'm going to play devil's advocate in an odd way. Or maybe who knows what? My example is this: I keep journals, and have never been snooped on by my fiance, despite my journals being well within reach. The same with their phone; I could go through it easily, but refuse to because I respect the privacy. It's also important to keep in mind that sometimes thoughts that we have access to are merely thoughts alone, and not 'the whole picture' of what our significants think of us. I don't necessarily think that all secrets within relationships are good--communication is key, after all--but not should someone feel like they've got to pry or pull teeth. Part of me wants to sympathetic to you and the other part wants to be judgmental, but I guess I just don't know.
I'm sorry that your previous partner had been engaged in infidelity. Euch, now I feel gross for having written what I did above; sorry.
Honesty is a fine line in relationships---I say this as someone who struggles with communicating in general and gauging what others 'want' in interactions. I feel a bit stupid so I guess I'll stop writing for now.
Hey Mitch, I don't think you're actually playing devil's advocate because you're saying what I'm saying towards the end of the post. I agree with you! Don't feel stupid.
As the facilitator of a support group for narcissistic abuse victims, we had a 'rule' we discovered and which you mentioned in your article.
You said: What was the purpose in continuously exposing myself to their secrets— everything ranging from infidelity to their true feelings about me—if I wasn’t going to leave?
We said in our group that the relationship is over the first time you check their phone. For abuse survivors, we may have checked the phone to show us what we already knew and to give us strength to leave.