Thank you for sharing your journey with meditation. I've got very similar timelines with meds and after being off for a little over a year started medicating my bipolar two weeks ago ❤️
The medication battle can be brutal. I have witnessed many sides of it. Both autistic sons are on an antipsychotic along with lithium, mostly because of agitation, and depression. My youngest also takes gabapentin to help with anxiety and sleep. Two years ago, he gradually titrated off of abilify because of weight gain and shit hit the fan. He suddenly dropped out of all classes. He was angry and resented me and his father because he needed us financially. He became aggressive and had suicidal ideation.
His doctors made lots of tweaks that made things worse. He fired 3 different doctors. Finally he did his own research and decided to go back to abilify. To me, he does seemed supressed. I see very little joy or laughter. I don't like it. Neither does he, but he's afraid to make any drastic changes. He's not truly bipolar. He has no extreme highs from mania. He never has. It's all so confusing. I hate it!
I am happy that he is making his own decisions and advocating for himself with his current doctor. He's working as a Mental Health Peer Specialist because of his lived experience. He's stable. He has such a beautiful mind. He is one of my greatest joys.
I've had my personal battles with meds as well.
I am fascinated by your story. Thank you for sharing. I am so happy to read about your progress in the past few months. Keep writing!
I hate that that has been you all's experience. One day I'll write about the perils of medication too so that I give a full picture, maybe that's where we can collaborate!
I've had experiences with medications making me angrier, more anxious, more suicidal, gain weight, and other side effects that made the journey so very difficult and almost made me want to give up. But as I age, my bipolar worsens and going without medication really isn't a possibility for me right now if I want to live.
And don't get me started on the psychiatrists. I'm actually working with a Nurse Practitioner is specializes in Mental Illness for medication and she had listened to me far better than any of the past psychs I worked with. I'm scarred by them at this point.
Thank you for sharing your honesty, Ashleigh. Lately, I’ve been in circles where individuals who take these meds have had poor responses so it’s good to know it’s upside.
My son takes one medication for his negative symptoms of schizophrenia which entails flattened personality, inability to respond to emotional cues, lack of motivation (depends), and isolation to name a few. He’s pretty silent unless spoken to unless spoken to first.
Anyway, I’m glad to have found your writing and sharing. More importantly, I’m glad you’re happy, doing well and are feeling supported. Sounds like you are a wonderful advocate for yourself and that cannot always be easy. I hope you continue to do well and share here. Heart with you in spirit.
Thank you Shelley! I'm sorry that that has been your son's experience. I've had medications that I felt dulled me and caused weight gain so I quickly decided those weren't the meds for me at the time.
I hope as more research and advancements happen, your son has more options to choose from so that he can live a better quality of life while medicated.
As always I am so proud of you and inspired by you. You are an amazing human with incredible resilience. I am glad you relied on your resilience enough to get to a look where you can rest in your humanness now. You deserve all the wonderful things and I am so happy you are in a place to feel andddd receive them 🤍
Ashleigh— I love this piece. As someone who has been down the medical route I am a believer but it has not always been easy. And thank god for current day antipsychotics and antidepressants. Thorazine and mellaril just weren’t the answer for many of us. I get frustrated when I see a new doctor and they question my “cocktail.” Listen, if it works, I ain’t messing with it! Love ya and hope to see you soon.
It for sure isn't always easy, and I know medications have come a long way from the experiences I've heard about and some I've experienced for myself. I'm glad you found your cocktail and I love you too!!
Thank you Ashleigh. I appreciate and am always inspired by the way you share your testimony. I am ecstatic that you have arrived “here.” As you continue to journey forward my hope is that the time you will be redeemed! I believe God does that for us! May you keep ascending to the best of you! 💕
I battled the stigma within myself of taking medication while in crisis during grad school. The shame and secrecy felt like an added weight on top of the spiral I was already in. It felt like I was admitting defeat and made me think of myself as weak. I eventually saw it for exactly what it was - a tool to buoy me to wellbeing. Nothing more, nothing less. There's courage in owning and naming things for what they are. As always, thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to share. I have no doubt your candor is saving lives.
I'm so glad that even though you battled the stigma, you still pursued meds and eventually accepted they they were a tool and not confirmation of weakness. It takes strength to push past all the noise and do what's best for you. Thank you for sharing!!
Deciding to take medication for mental health can be so difficult. I've just recently finally reached out about ADHD medication again after being put on an antidepressant two years ago instead because of breastfeeding. I'm so glad that you're doing so well, and grateful for you sharing your experience.
I'm proud of you for reaching out, sometimes that's the hardest step. I hope the process is a swift one to finding what works best for you and you see improvements.
Thank you for sharing this. I stopped my meds to get pregnant (terrible idea).
I was put on Zoloft by itself when I was in a postpartum crisis, the effect was almost immediate and absolutely terrifying - psychosis, extreme mania, worse than I've ever had, all while having to "hold it together" and figure out how to keep a tiny human alive and host unhelpful relatives and act elated to be a mom.
Having a good psychiatrist that you can trust, and that believes you, is key. I was lucky, mine saved my life and probably my baby's life. I shudder to think what life would have been like had I not been able to get immediate and affordable and compassionate emergency mental health care - I'm talking an appointment within 24 hours, easily available childcare and transportation so that I could make the appointment, I could call her any time of the day and we were able to do video calls when I was too paralysed by fear of myself and my thoughts to leave the house, and my medications were delivered to my door, and the costs were all covered by social insurance.
I’m so glad you have a great psychiatrist! It took years for me to finally find one that listened well enough to have me on the right concoction. I too got off my original meds when I got pregnant and immediately went back on them three weeks after giving birth. I even chose not to breastfeed to give myself the best chance at finding the right meds without harming my child.
Wow, you are brutally honest, kudos.
https://liborsoural.substack.com/p/the-paranoid-critical-transformation
Thank you Libor. I appreciate your comment. When you leave links in your comments it reads like spam, please avoid doing so.
Thank you for sharing your journey with meditation. I've got very similar timelines with meds and after being off for a little over a year started medicating my bipolar two weeks ago ❤️
I'm so happy for you Ashleigh! Medication, the right kind, makes a world of a difference and keeps us here longer and living a higher quality of life.
The medication battle can be brutal. I have witnessed many sides of it. Both autistic sons are on an antipsychotic along with lithium, mostly because of agitation, and depression. My youngest also takes gabapentin to help with anxiety and sleep. Two years ago, he gradually titrated off of abilify because of weight gain and shit hit the fan. He suddenly dropped out of all classes. He was angry and resented me and his father because he needed us financially. He became aggressive and had suicidal ideation.
His doctors made lots of tweaks that made things worse. He fired 3 different doctors. Finally he did his own research and decided to go back to abilify. To me, he does seemed supressed. I see very little joy or laughter. I don't like it. Neither does he, but he's afraid to make any drastic changes. He's not truly bipolar. He has no extreme highs from mania. He never has. It's all so confusing. I hate it!
I am happy that he is making his own decisions and advocating for himself with his current doctor. He's working as a Mental Health Peer Specialist because of his lived experience. He's stable. He has such a beautiful mind. He is one of my greatest joys.
I've had my personal battles with meds as well.
I am fascinated by your story. Thank you for sharing. I am so happy to read about your progress in the past few months. Keep writing!
Maybe we should collaborate on something.
Much love, Karen
I hate that that has been you all's experience. One day I'll write about the perils of medication too so that I give a full picture, maybe that's where we can collaborate!
I've had experiences with medications making me angrier, more anxious, more suicidal, gain weight, and other side effects that made the journey so very difficult and almost made me want to give up. But as I age, my bipolar worsens and going without medication really isn't a possibility for me right now if I want to live.
And don't get me started on the psychiatrists. I'm actually working with a Nurse Practitioner is specializes in Mental Illness for medication and she had listened to me far better than any of the past psychs I worked with. I'm scarred by them at this point.
Sending you so much love back!
Thank you for sharing your honesty, Ashleigh. Lately, I’ve been in circles where individuals who take these meds have had poor responses so it’s good to know it’s upside.
My son takes one medication for his negative symptoms of schizophrenia which entails flattened personality, inability to respond to emotional cues, lack of motivation (depends), and isolation to name a few. He’s pretty silent unless spoken to unless spoken to first.
Anyway, I’m glad to have found your writing and sharing. More importantly, I’m glad you’re happy, doing well and are feeling supported. Sounds like you are a wonderful advocate for yourself and that cannot always be easy. I hope you continue to do well and share here. Heart with you in spirit.
Thank you Shelley! I'm sorry that that has been your son's experience. I've had medications that I felt dulled me and caused weight gain so I quickly decided those weren't the meds for me at the time.
I hope as more research and advancements happen, your son has more options to choose from so that he can live a better quality of life while medicated.
As always I am so proud of you and inspired by you. You are an amazing human with incredible resilience. I am glad you relied on your resilience enough to get to a look where you can rest in your humanness now. You deserve all the wonderful things and I am so happy you are in a place to feel andddd receive them 🤍
Thank you my love. I'm grateful to have you as an ever-present support along the way.
Ashleigh— I love this piece. As someone who has been down the medical route I am a believer but it has not always been easy. And thank god for current day antipsychotics and antidepressants. Thorazine and mellaril just weren’t the answer for many of us. I get frustrated when I see a new doctor and they question my “cocktail.” Listen, if it works, I ain’t messing with it! Love ya and hope to see you soon.
Medication route I meant to say!
It for sure isn't always easy, and I know medications have come a long way from the experiences I've heard about and some I've experienced for myself. I'm glad you found your cocktail and I love you too!!
Thank you Ashleigh. I appreciate and am always inspired by the way you share your testimony. I am ecstatic that you have arrived “here.” As you continue to journey forward my hope is that the time you will be redeemed! I believe God does that for us! May you keep ascending to the best of you! 💕
Thank you Delanea, as always, for your encouraging words! Looking forward to your session Saturday.
I battled the stigma within myself of taking medication while in crisis during grad school. The shame and secrecy felt like an added weight on top of the spiral I was already in. It felt like I was admitting defeat and made me think of myself as weak. I eventually saw it for exactly what it was - a tool to buoy me to wellbeing. Nothing more, nothing less. There's courage in owning and naming things for what they are. As always, thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to share. I have no doubt your candor is saving lives.
I'm so glad that even though you battled the stigma, you still pursued meds and eventually accepted they they were a tool and not confirmation of weakness. It takes strength to push past all the noise and do what's best for you. Thank you for sharing!!
Deciding to take medication for mental health can be so difficult. I've just recently finally reached out about ADHD medication again after being put on an antidepressant two years ago instead because of breastfeeding. I'm so glad that you're doing so well, and grateful for you sharing your experience.
I'm proud of you for reaching out, sometimes that's the hardest step. I hope the process is a swift one to finding what works best for you and you see improvements.
Thank you for sharing this. I stopped my meds to get pregnant (terrible idea).
I was put on Zoloft by itself when I was in a postpartum crisis, the effect was almost immediate and absolutely terrifying - psychosis, extreme mania, worse than I've ever had, all while having to "hold it together" and figure out how to keep a tiny human alive and host unhelpful relatives and act elated to be a mom.
Having a good psychiatrist that you can trust, and that believes you, is key. I was lucky, mine saved my life and probably my baby's life. I shudder to think what life would have been like had I not been able to get immediate and affordable and compassionate emergency mental health care - I'm talking an appointment within 24 hours, easily available childcare and transportation so that I could make the appointment, I could call her any time of the day and we were able to do video calls when I was too paralysed by fear of myself and my thoughts to leave the house, and my medications were delivered to my door, and the costs were all covered by social insurance.
I’m so glad you have a great psychiatrist! It took years for me to finally find one that listened well enough to have me on the right concoction. I too got off my original meds when I got pregnant and immediately went back on them three weeks after giving birth. I even chose not to breastfeed to give myself the best chance at finding the right meds without harming my child.
I hope things are more stable for you!!