I watched my son go through a mental health breakdown in 2021. When the dust settled, he had lost his one and only best friend since childhood.
His friend wasn't in a good place, and couldn't deal with my son's anger while he was in a bad place. After some time passed my son wanted to apologize to his friend, who he thought of as a brother, but he wasn't ready to listen.
Now, the wounds are too deep for both of them.
It was a hard thing to learn that it's not necessarily personal. We never know what someone else is dealing with. We can not be all things, to all people, all the time.
Ashleigh, first of all, thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece with us. My heart goes out to you during this time -- loss and grief can feel so unbearable. Last year, I lost a friend to suicide and just a few months prior to that loss, I had survived a car accident whereas others didn't.
Those losses are still something I'm working through and processing, and I especially resonated with all the survivor's guilt you're experiencing. There's so many times I wish I could go back and show up more, do more, be more. Sometimes I almost default to using it as an excuse to take less care of myself -- a form of self-sabotage guised as a service to others.
I'm sending you so much care and healing as you work through grief's complexity. I think so many of us experience these waves and feelings when we lose someone, and your words -- you having shared such a raw and vulnerable newsletter -- really helps others not feel so alone through all of it. It's done that for me, today. <3
Thank you so much Misha! I'm sending you love and comfort as well as you continue to navigate your own grief. I'm glad you lived to continue telling your stories and sharing with us. You're right about self-sabotage guised as service I try to give myself grace in these times while not completely derailing myself and that was a great reminder not to do so.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with us and I hope you are able to take the time to water yourself as needed.
I experienced a similar feeling a few years ago when my friend died of honestly... we're not sure what. His family wouldn't share the cause of death. The "what if i had done this instead" question came up very often in the beginning. But as the years go by, it's fallen to the wayside and I now focus on ways to remember my friend for the joy he brought me. I wish you a sound journey 💙
I’m so sorry for your loss, Ashleigh. I can relate to this post a lot.
Thank you for sharing, and I’m praying for your healing journey ❤️.
Thank you Rachel, sending you so much love back!
I watched my son go through a mental health breakdown in 2021. When the dust settled, he had lost his one and only best friend since childhood.
His friend wasn't in a good place, and couldn't deal with my son's anger while he was in a bad place. After some time passed my son wanted to apologize to his friend, who he thought of as a brother, but he wasn't ready to listen.
Now, the wounds are too deep for both of them.
It was a hard thing to learn that it's not necessarily personal. We never know what someone else is dealing with. We can not be all things, to all people, all the time.
It's still heartbreaking.
I'm sorry for your loss. 🙏🏾❤️
Ugh. This is so tough. I hate how this thing just comes through and wreaks havoc and we have to continue to figure out how to exist through it.
Ashleigh, first of all, thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece with us. My heart goes out to you during this time -- loss and grief can feel so unbearable. Last year, I lost a friend to suicide and just a few months prior to that loss, I had survived a car accident whereas others didn't.
Those losses are still something I'm working through and processing, and I especially resonated with all the survivor's guilt you're experiencing. There's so many times I wish I could go back and show up more, do more, be more. Sometimes I almost default to using it as an excuse to take less care of myself -- a form of self-sabotage guised as a service to others.
I'm sending you so much care and healing as you work through grief's complexity. I think so many of us experience these waves and feelings when we lose someone, and your words -- you having shared such a raw and vulnerable newsletter -- really helps others not feel so alone through all of it. It's done that for me, today. <3
Thank you so much Misha! I'm sending you love and comfort as well as you continue to navigate your own grief. I'm glad you lived to continue telling your stories and sharing with us. You're right about self-sabotage guised as service I try to give myself grace in these times while not completely derailing myself and that was a great reminder not to do so.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with us and I hope you are able to take the time to water yourself as needed.
I experienced a similar feeling a few years ago when my friend died of honestly... we're not sure what. His family wouldn't share the cause of death. The "what if i had done this instead" question came up very often in the beginning. But as the years go by, it's fallen to the wayside and I now focus on ways to remember my friend for the joy he brought me. I wish you a sound journey 💙
Thank you so much for sharing that with me, Jess. It really is a difficult thing to experience and I hope with time your grief has softened a bit. 🫶🏾
I'm so sorry for your loss, Ashleigh. I hope you've been able to be gentle with yourself. 🧡
Thank you A. I’m feeling a bit better since posting this. 🫶🏾